Random thoughts on cancer, meaning and happiness

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A while ago I saw a comment on a childhood cancer related website and it has been on my mind..

“The reason our child survived is not that we are good people, but because he has survived, we need to be good people.” 

When I read this I felt “yes, this is true,” and I do see this feeling reflected in the actions and interests of many other parents. They volunteer for the charities who supported them, they reach out to other parents, they throw themselves back into “normal” life with a determination to wring the most joy they can out of it.

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Celebration for the life of Zoe Michelle Wilson

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Te Mahurehure Marae, Point Chevalier Auckland, Thursday 4th October 2012

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
― A.A. Milne


Karanga (welcoming Zoe onto the marae)

Music
“Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder

Welcome
Dearly beloved, our gathering here today serves a threefold purpose:
• To honour the life of Zoe Wilson and to gather up the memories she leaves us.
• To take the time to say our own goodbyes to Zoe.
• And to comfort and support one another as each of us experiences grief in a different way.

My name is Dr Kim Jewel Elliott, Celebrant, and I am honoured to officiate at this ceremony, which honours beautiful Zoe today.

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Telling Zoe her cancer is back

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Yesterday Zoe became very quiet, withdrawn and scared. She was overwhelmed with all the attention and didn’t want to talk to anyone in the family or have anyone around.

I had a really good talk to the child psychotherapist on the palliative care team after reading through the notes I put on http://www.touchpoint.org.nz from a presentation she had given.
One of the key things she said is that for a child, a sad truth is better than a mis-truth.

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When Zoe met Harry

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Dr Harry, Zoe’s hero, stood at the top of the steps as we arrived. He looked just like he did on TV. Blue shirt, cream pants and a cheesecutter hat.

“Hello” he said. “I can see a little girl. And she’s wearing a cap, just like Dr Harry. And I bet her name is Zoe.”

As Zoe walked towards him he crouched down and spoke to her for a minute, asking questions to which the replies were mostly shy nods. When he asked for a hug she threw herself into his arms.
Then he stood up, she put her hand in his and they walked together into the house, just like something off TV.

Zoe and Dr Harry

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A doctor called Harry

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At 3, Zoe found the overnight change from full on full time daycare girl to housebound chemo kid hard to adjust to. The sudden change to all of her routines and the scary reality of medical procedures really rocked her little world. The doctors, nurses and play therapist all did their best to help her adjust, but the unlikely hero who really helped her come to terms with it all was an Australian TV vet in a cheesecutter hat.

Dr Harry is the star of Harry’s Practice and more recently a vet segment on Better Homes & Gardens. His bedside manner is calm and reassuring.

Vet-Zoe

In the depths of that horrid winter, Zoe watched re-runs of Harry’s Practice religiously at 5 O’clock every day to see him deal with run over dogs and sneezy mice and cats with tumours and ponies with behavioural problems. Continue reading →

Our first update in a long while

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I haven’t posted all of our good news since Zoe finished her chemo, partly because we have been getting on with living a ‘normal’ life and partly because I guess I wanted to post something that had some insight and perspective on where we’ve been. That kind of inspiration doesn’t seem to be coming though, so I’m just going to post some pictures that show what a dramatic difference a few months have made to Zoe.

After my last post, Zoe’s post treatment MRI came back clear and we had a lot of celebrations with family and friends. Even though I thought Zoe was coping amazingly, when I told her that Dr Mark said she was all better, she was like a different little girl. She blossomed literally overnight.
In early February she got to remove her own mic-key button from her tummy since she didn’t need tube feeds anymore.
Then before we knew it we were off to the Child Cancer Foundation’s sunshine lodge for a week.
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Nearly there

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Nearing the end of Zoe’s scheduled treatments, she is back to just over her diagnosis weight, she has grown 4cm, her dimples are back and even her hair, with a couple of two week breaks from one of the chemo drugs, is trying to stage a comeback.


Today we chose and decorated our Christmas tree. The new year will really be a new beginning for us.
For Zoe, I think this will come naturally. For me, it will be hard work to let go of what I need to about the past and hold on to the things of value.
I have the gift of this precious girl and the responsibility to guide her through life and yet she has so much to teach me.
And in the everyday magic of day to day life, Santa must now be on the hunt for a tiger suit.