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A map of Paris

Kiri 9 Comments

Map of Paris

Paris had always been the romantic city I dreamed of returning to. I had spent just four days there one December when I was 22, travelling on a backpackers budget. Bundled up inadequately against the bone chilling cold, we trudged the streets of the City of Light, admiring the Christmas lights, standing on the banks of the Seine watching the Eiffel Tour light up, drinking cheap red wine, eating from prix fixe tourist menus and seeing as many art museums as we could fit in. The day we left, we woke to snow.

So I was delighted when Zoe started to read and was captivated by the book Thea Stilton and the Mystery in Paris. It follows the adventures of five um… amateur detective mice as they solve the mystery of some stolen haute couture designs while tracking the thief around all of the Paris landmarks. As you do. Continue reading →

Letter to myself as the mother of a newborn

Kiri 19 Comments

Newborn Zoe

Dear Zoe’s mama, in 2006

I know you know she is a miracle and you love her fiercely. But I know how you struggle every day with mothering. With getting it “right.” When your refluxy baby screams night and day and cannot get the sleep she needs – and you cannot get the sleep you need – you feel like a failure. When listening to her cry feels like the deepest pain, like listening to the little girl inside of yourself cry, and there is precious little you can do to soothe her. Continue reading →

The space to write

Kiri 7 Comments

Notebook and laptop

The physical space I write in is nothing special – usually I just take my laptop into bed or park myself on the sofa, sometimes following the sunny spots around the house like a cat. But the mental space to write in is something else.

If you’re a regular reader, you may notice I’ve written more this year than I have since beginning this blog. Continue reading →

Lessons From the Worst Day Of My Life

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A beautiful post about grief, inspiration and kindness.

Gretchen Kelly's avatarDrifting Through

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“And I know it aches and your heart it breaks and you can only take so much….  Walk on.” -U2, Walk On

It was my wedding day.

I found myself standing outside the doors to the chapel. My heart was racing. Pressure began building inside and I felt my eyes fill up with tears.

I can’t do this.

Before I could turn and run, the doors were flung open. I was caught off guard as 80 expectant faces turned to look at me. I scanned the crowd….  I saw my family and friends…. I saw my Dad and Stepfather waiting in front of the alter to give me away.

But I was going to have to walk down the aisle alone.

And that’s not how it was supposed to be.

I don’t know how long I paused there. I felt like I couldn’t move.

Then my eyes found Joe. And…

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Happy Valentines day to me

Kiri 11 Comments

I’ve understood for a long time that one of the interpretations of “love your neighbour as yourself,” is that it’s really hard to project love outwards unless you love and accept yourself first. But understanding it is not the same as feeling it.

The Angel Zoe Kindness Project was inspired by the idea of keeping Zoe’s memory with us by spreading kindness in the world, just as she loved to do. But perhaps the secret in her ability to do this was how she loved herself – a lesson I’m still learning.

Continue reading →

Our first update in a long while

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I haven’t posted all of our good news since Zoe finished her chemo, partly because we have been getting on with living a ‘normal’ life and partly because I guess I wanted to post something that had some insight and perspective on where we’ve been. That kind of inspiration doesn’t seem to be coming though, so I’m just going to post some pictures that show what a dramatic difference a few months have made to Zoe.

After my last post, Zoe’s post treatment MRI came back clear and we had a lot of celebrations with family and friends. Even though I thought Zoe was coping amazingly, when I told her that Dr Mark said she was all better, she was like a different little girl. She blossomed literally overnight.
In early February she got to remove her own mic-key button from her tummy since she didn’t need tube feeds anymore.
Then before we knew it we were off to the Child Cancer Foundation’s sunshine lodge for a week.
Continue reading →

Nearly there

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Nearing the end of Zoe’s scheduled treatments, she is back to just over her diagnosis weight, she has grown 4cm, her dimples are back and even her hair, with a couple of two week breaks from one of the chemo drugs, is trying to stage a comeback.


Today we chose and decorated our Christmas tree. The new year will really be a new beginning for us.
For Zoe, I think this will come naturally. For me, it will be hard work to let go of what I need to about the past and hold on to the things of value.
I have the gift of this precious girl and the responsibility to guide her through life and yet she has so much to teach me.
And in the everyday magic of day to day life, Santa must now be on the hunt for a tiger suit.